like you were walking onto a yacht

 my life has been miserable and every single day feels like my mind is on fire. i hate always waiting to see if my life is going to be over or not the next day. i know i have always been sad, but i never felt as if i would act on it. y'know what i mean? but lately i feel like i could if i got desperate enough. this is so hard and i feel like even though i knew this would eventually happen i could never be ready for it. i could never feel prepared enough to feel like i will ever be okay again. cause i don't think i will. i already feel as if i am different. i feel like i'm a borderline alcoholic at this point because of how i am just trying to forget everything.