turn out the lights

i am not sure when i became such a cynical person, or have i always been like this? i don't know if it is just something that i've learned, perhaps as a coping mechanism? i can't stand to read motivational or inspirational words that people write on twitter or instagram. i don't see how those words can help me. i feel like such a dark person, and i can't even talk about it. i don't ever really tell anyone what i'm going through. i don't even talk to anyone really anymore. i spend a lot of time alone, and since i don't have school i have no distractions. i feel like such a failure, and like i'm not worth anything. i haven't done anything to make myself a better person, and i wish i was the type of person to do something of substance. i know that i can if i tried, but i can't bring myself to do it. i feel so broken inside, and to just try and make it through one day is absolutely exhausting.