Recently within the past few days, I have had overwhelming emotions. This is normal for me if I am being honest, but they have been unusually intense. All I want more than anything is to explore the world, that is my dream. I could care less about how much money I have or the career I choose - I feel like none of it will ever actually mean anything. Logically, all of it matters - but we were given this Earth, to what? To count the money in our bank account? To give way to a routine in a job I don't care for? I am beginning to realize I could care less about the materialistic things in my life. Education? I can teach myself, I can read a book. By traveling I would learn more than I ever would in a classroom. I don't know.
I have found myself in a rough spot; I'm not sure how long I will be stuck here. I have been trying to convince myself that certain things shouldn't matter, but obviously as I am trying to convince myself I actually end up thinking about it- and let's just say I've been thinking way too much. You know when you just KNOW? That's how I feel. That's one of those intense emotions I have been feeling.
I also feel very alone. I don't have friends, like I thought I did. At the end of the day, when I just want to talk to someone...there is no one. My boyfriend goes out and spends time with friends, and I'm left alone. Wow, as I am writing the song Bridge Over Troubled Water is playing and...wow. Talk about coincidental. I wish there was a way for me to try and make friends. I don't know how to act, I get nervous and say weird things. I have been trying, God knows. I joined the damn history club at school. I try talking to people in classes, but I have so much trouble connecting with others. I don't want to sound annoying and like every other millennial, but I genuinely feel like I'm different. Wow, that was cringe to even type. But, I am serious. Even the weird indie people and goths have their groups. I used to fit in with my circle of friends, but I don't anymore. They left me behind, and I have gone in the opposite direction.
I am thinking of trying my hand at creative writing, but I think I need to be creative for that.
